4528 hours of not knowing whats happening!!!!

I was just going through my highly unimpressive marks cards from my BE (electronics and communication) and as hep as that sounds I had no clue of more than half of what my subjects were. I probably know as much electronics as I did in my 10th ( thats a huge zilch). The only electronics I work on right now is switching on the television or working the microwave.

There are subjects I can't even explain the titles of let alone what was taught in them. Subjects like Transducers & Instrumentation and Telecommunication & switching I still can't figure out the title let alone what could have possibly been taught for 16 weeks/ 4 hours per week. Then there are the Linear ICs & Applications and Digital ICs & Applications. What is the difference you ask... well, your guess is as good as mine. There are subjects called VHDL and VLSI design, I still don't know what they stand for.

Then there are the more romantic soundings subjects like Fields & Waves, which when the exam paper is presented to you reads more like Killing Fields & Tsunami Waves. Somehow I feel I would have done much better with the latter.

The teachers were no better. There was this subject called Antenna & wave Propogation which was taught by a shrivelled grape called Rukumani (shaadi ke baad kya hua ... (thats the song if you don't remember) you ask ... I'll tell you .. her husband came out shrieking for help). I will not delve any more in the teachers aspect of the course, that could complete a book on why not to do engineering.

There is a feather in my cap though for those four years of trying very hard to not work hard. I got a gold medal. A gold medal??!!! How ??!! I'll tell you for us back benchers (read academic super loosers) a gold medal was when you just managed to scrape through the ignominy of repeating the subject the next semester. Yes, I got myself one of those in System Programming - 35/100 ... couldn't get closer than that... Phew!!!. I got myself a bronze too.. 52/125 in Power Electronics .. not too proud of that could have done better.

Finally my advice to people who are taking Engineering ... well don't do it.

Been dazed and confused for so long, it's not true... Wanted a woman, never bargained for you.

> For those of you bored, lost, confused, frustrated (feel free to add on to the list) souls, the Prophet's message hath arrived. Check out this link-- What should I do with my life?

A few excerpts from the article

The previous era of business was defined by the question, Where's the opportunity? I'm convinced that business success in the future starts with the question, What should I do with my life? Yes, that's right. The most obvious and universal question on our plates as human beings is the most urgent and pragmatic approach to sustainable success in our organizations.

Well, there is hope now, isn't it??? woo hoo to that!!!!

Those who are lit by that passion are the object of envy among their peers and the subject of intense curiosity. They are the source of good ideas. They make the extra effort. They demonstrate the commitment. They are the ones who, day by day, will rescue this drifting ship. And they will be rewarded. With money, sure, and responsibility, undoubtedly. But with something even better too: the kind of satisfaction that comes with knowing your place in the world. We are sitting on a huge potential boom in productivity -- if we could just get the square pegs out of the round holes.

I feel ya brotha!!!

Anyway, if you are lost at your workplace, I think the article should be read in its entirety. Its super long but I think its worth the time.

> Have been meeting lots of school friends lately. And everyone seems to have only one question for me "So ... when are you going to get married???" with a stupid bloody grin on their face ..... the next person who asks me that question is going to need some serious cosmetic surgery to make their face look human again ..... aaaaaaaaarrrrrrgh!!! For crying out loud, I'm just 23. I know Mim and me have been together for the last 6 odd years.... but guys please stop asking me that question. You will get a mail... I will let you know somehow, anyhow... I appreciate your concern but just quit it buddy.

Current music : Blue Train - John Coltrane .... abso- diddly-lutely love the song.

Sarva Dharma Samabhava

Freedom at Midnight by Larry Collins and Dominique Lapierre was a life altering book for me. It speaks about the partition of India and the ensuing Hindu-Muslim riots which left millions dead, homeless. I had a new found respect for the Muslims who stayed back in India braving the riots, risking their lives.

Argumentative Indian by Amartya Sen was another book I really enjoyed. The basic premise of the first few essays is how the Indian, over the years, has been accomadating the people who visited India through the years be it Portugese, Persian, Chinese, etc and how this feeling is being tampered with by the VHP and Bajrang Dal like organisations who want to make India a Hindu state. He also talks about how the average Indian has always been argumentative which laid the foundation for the Indian democracy after independence.

These two books have made me very conscious of who I am as an Indian, about our diversity and our history. It has made me immensely proud of this country. I love the diversity and our(normally) peaceful nature.

The current book I am reading is called Communal Rage in Secular India by Rafiq Zakaria, (whose The Man who divided India -about Jinnah, I thoroughly enjoyed) is about the Godhra riots. I have just finished the first 2 chapters in which he details accounts of journalists and their witnesses during the riots. Its gut-wrenching to say the least. Some of the victims' accounts are horrifying and you can't help closing your eyes and saying a little prayer for them.

India is a largely peaceful nation, or so I would like to believe, considering the large amount of diversities that exist here. Sometimes, we fail to respect this. We have divided ourselves, according to caste, religion, region or any shitty reason we could give ourselves. Once these divisions are made we love to draw lines and act George-Bushesquely "you are with us or against us". Hindus hate Muslims, Muslims despise Hindus and there is always a rift between people on either side of the Vindhyas.

Another thing Indians seem to enjoy is typecasting people. Brahmins are elitists, Muslims are violent, Tamilians are tight-fisted, Delhites are show-offs, Bongs have egos. We like to castigate all the other communities except ours. We can't stand anyone else except ourselves and our types. A Hindu will think twice before befriending a Muslim but somehow when an Irfan Pathan takes a wicket the whole country celebrates, when Shahrukh Khan is in a movie people throng the theatres to watch him. Are these two guys beyond judgement and their religion? Why is that? Is it because they are famous? Does that change a person? Or is it just that he grows out of his stereotypes once he is famous?

What worries me the most is that we, the educated class, also have such notions. I think being unbiased in next to impossible, but I think it is possible to free of prejudice. Thanks to these few books I have gotten rid a lot of my demons and pre-concieved notions. I am not saying I'm totally unprejudiced, but I know I'm trying.

Hold me, kiss me, thrill me

First of all, a super new year to all of you. I had a super new years' ... spent it in Hyderabad. Thanks to Nitish " the perfect host " Khadiya ( I hope I got the spelling right) we had a super- duper time.

After all the long sessions of drinking and the intense leg-cricket matches, all of us sat down to watch the movie Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi. What a brilliant movie.

There are lot underlying themes and ideas running throughout the plot but the one that hit me the most were the love stories in the movie. Geeta loves Siddarth, who is a revolutionary, and wants Geeta to become one too. Siddarth leaves for the villages to propogate the revolution and ideas. Vikram is a small town guy who just wants to make it big and loves Geeta too. Geeta eventually follows Siddarth and falls into a lot of shit in the village and but continues to love him, instead of taking the easier option out and just marrying Vikram who loves her as much.

This is where my point comes in, is love really this blind that you get so selfless and are willing to forgive anything your partner does. Even in the Unbearable lightness of being by Milan Kundera, Teresa could have easily left Tomas for all his unfaithfulness but she hung on. These kind of stories are not just in fiction even in life I've seen lots of couples just ignore their partners' outright flaws and just going on .

I would never expect my partner to forgive my unfaithfulness, or give up her life and tag along with me because I believe in something or if I ever were to humiliate her or do anything that were to hurt her very bad. Is love really blind?? So blind that we are able to overlook things that we would normally find detestable. So if common sense were to prevail then, love should not be blind. It should be open to each others faults, to correct each other and also so that your partner doesn't land up taking advantage of your ignorance or "blindness" and to preserve one's own self worth. But common sense doesn't have a place in the land of love... if it did we would not have Romeo and Juliet would we???

I am confused (I know I sound it). I guess there is a thin line between being loving and forgiving and being used as a door mat. But I guess like other things in life, nobody knows where the line is... nobody knows when to stop... nobody knows when to stop feeling insecure or begging for the attention we love from our partners.

Love is to be felt and experienced. Everyone wants to be loved, I think that is one of man's biggest weaknesses, whether we want to admit or not. And everyone loves to be loved. I guess its best to just try and explore for oneself and remember that there does exist a line in love, too, that is not to be crossed, a line that keeps love nice and simple the way its meant to be.

Well, show me the way to the next whiskey bar ... oh don't ask why

My room!!! My room !!!! ... sob .... sob ... sob ... I lost it . Its being renovated and I had to clear it up. Will be getting a swanky new one (being built on the terrace) but I lost my own room.. Everything is cleared from in there. It fucking echoes in there like its a bloody graveyard. I can hear my room's soul calling out to me "Don't leave me!!!".

Lots of memories there. I never thought I would be sentimental about it. Its just 10 by 10 God damn place surrounded by blue walls ... but it was mine. My space ... my retreat ... and now its like a pile of debris like war-torn Baghdad. I asked my girl friend out in that very room and we've been going out for 6 years now. I remember playing cricket, football, wrestling, hand tennis... (pretty much any sport that you can think of) with my cousins in that room. I remember looking out the window in the dark reminiscing ... contemplating the future... feeling lonely... I never knew that room meant so much to me and now that its gone I miss it soooooooooooo much.

I remember coming back from a 2 week trip in Europe and the thing I missed most is my loo and my room. My loo was like my ultimate sanctuary. Read many a book on the pot... relaxed that weary body after a good swim or basketball under the shower ... that shower just kicked butt.

All I can say now is RIP to my room. I miss you .... I always will

P.S : Sorry about the girly post.... but its just .... MY ROOM ... MY ROOM... sob .... sob ... sob...

Sing a song of six pence...

I love the fact that our culture is so deeply into music. Every occasion has a song associated to with it and every region has their own style of music. I really love this about Indians... but what I don't get is the fact that Indians are obsessed with making other people sing.

Everytime you are on the radio, in a party, in any kind of spotlight people want you to sing...
"Sir, one song sir"
"Sir, please sir"
"Sir, one stanza sir"
"Sir, come on, sir"
"Sir, one line, sir"
"Sir sir please"
"Sir one note .... you start and we'll all join you"

How many Indians haven't faced this kind of predicament before??!!! I mean, come on, some people don't want to sing people ( and most can't... yours truly heads that list ;)). I couldn't sing to save my life... and I wouldn't sing to save the little bit of self-respect I still enjoy.

If I fall along the way, pick me up and dust me off...

Its amazing what failure does to you. It makes you feel defeated and gloomy on a nice sunny Sunday morning. It makes you feel vulnerable. Its like you are put in the spotlight and people are walking past you pointing fingers at you ... with that evil smirk on their face.

But life goes on... you lift yourself up and move on. And trust me, I've done it a lot of times (tells you how many times I've failed ;)). The eternal optimist that I am, I've learned to convince (or lie - as you like it) myself that it'll all be fine and there is something for me around that corner. But the corner never seems to come around. I guess I'm moving around in circles.

When I was a kid, I played a lot of sport. And everytime I started a sport I used to think "This is it... this is my sport and I'm going to be the next big thing in the sport". Alas... it never was to be. And I am still here waiting for my turn ... for that corner... when I will actually be that next big thing... mera number kab aayega

That'll be a 34 B for me

College days were fun we were a gang of six - three guys, three gals. Unfortunately for me, the two guys left Bangalore. Nirav is pursuing his masters in the US and Siddhu working in Chennai. That leaves me and the three girls- Mim, Shash and Antara.

Now that its just us, I have the unfortunate honour of being their unpaid chauffeur (they affectionately call me Raju when I am driving them around). When we hang out, I'm sure there are guys going - "Oh! what a lucky guy. He is hanging out with three pretty chics". Well not!!!! They are great fun and we laugh a lot I must admit... but when the conversation drifts into intricate discussions of the beautiful kaatha work on their sarees, the amazing jewellery they bought or other girly problems. I just have to go looking for my .22 caliber pistol but alas, where are things when you really need them. Surrounded by so much girl talk I sometimes wonder if I'll wake up with boobs one day and worry about getting my legs done.

I do not get why women love shopping so much. They are just crazy about it. I mean when they enter a sale or a shop... its like they are in a trance. They can just block the rest of the world as if nothing really matters. Its like Neo in the last scene of Matrix... when he starts seeing everything as characters rolling down the screen and only he can make sense of it. I mean come on, how can looking at the same thing in different shades and patterns be interesting. Oh please... I need some help here. For me, women shopping is like guys watching TV. We know we want to be there but once we get there we don't know what we want. Thats why we go channel surfing and women go pattern/shades surfing.


Oh man!! I got my iPod nano yesterday. Man is she beautful or what !!! You cannot possibly comprehend the tininess of the thing till you've seen it. The sound quality is brilliant. And click wheel ... baby... baby.. drool.. drool... I'm loving it!!!

I'm alright, Jack, keep your hands off of my stack

Once you start working, you get these fucking senti mails explaining how people think things have changed since college.... and how its been one year since we wrote exams and bunked and what ever... Oh for fuck's sake stop it!!!! Things change and they always will so get up and move on buster.

But there is one thing that'll change drastically after you start working.. and thats MONEY. Yeah baby !!! the moolah ... its brilliant isn't it??? The smell of the crisp bank statement that rolls off the ATM and tells you you are a little richer at the end of each month... and for what ... for pretty much sitting on your ass all day. I know I sometimes think I was a lot happier without it... but who the fuck am I kiddin.

Money is a brilliant concept... I mean its so beautiful... its powerful ... yet its dark and plays its little games on us. Money is mostly about the power. The power of independence and a little stability. And thats where the concept of "value for money kicks in".

The concept is very dicey. For me.... the value for money is more about how much a person needs money that defines the concept. When one of my friends asks me for money ... I ask myself only one question - Does he/she need the more money more than I do?

Shakespere rightly put it "the greed for money is the root of all evil"..... I hate it when ppl switch jobs for money... I hate calculative, money minded people... Look at the labourer who toils all day and hardly gets anything at the end of it.... We comparitively lead luxurious lives. And yet, when we hear of a money making opportunity at the cost of someone else we will jump at it. All our morals lost and only the extra dough becomes our motivation. Money is amazing no doubt... but its not the be all and end all of life...