Dhoom : 2 (Read Dhoom colon 2)

Imagine the most mindless piece of crap you have ever heard or seen ... triple that and you will approximately figure out how it feels like after watch this latest movie from the famed Yashraj films.

Cast
Bipasha "I'm a bimbo in this movie" Basu
Uday "what was my role again/ ha ha .. my jaw is broader than your left thigh" Chopra
Ash "stiff ass/ desperate to show my cleavage" Rai
Abhishek "need a shave" Bachchan
Hrithik "the new shirtless hero" Roshan

Genre : Mindless bullshit

Trust me, the movie is loyal to its genre from pretty much the first few scenes. Hrithik Roshan steals the Queen's crown disguised as her... better still Abhishek jumps out from underwater on a water scooter to rescue Uday from a bunch of goons who look no better than a bunch of clowns from Jumbo Circus ( the guys from Jumbo I'm sorry for the disrespect).

There is a intro song for all the cast. Ash's entry is special though it marks a total lack of comic timing and takes hamming to its abyss. Someone should tell her that wearing short skirts, showing cleavage and smooching on-screen will not the movie worth my 135 bucks.

The plot is a a cop-thief chase across two countries (India and Brazil) with some extras (Uday, Bips, oh yeah.. forgot to mention the ever so useless role of Rimii Sen) who are stuffed in to the movie needlessly. Ash, whose role is as predictable as the result of India's next cricket match, is a petty criminal who turns out to be working with the cops. And her misplaced likes ... oh God!!! you could shot her, I'm not kidding.. there would have been blood on my hands if she was in the hall.

If you came looking for style quotient, you'd be looking in the wrong place. Its just a lot of crass .. Abhishek with his shirts with floral designs, Ash with her wannabe Rakhee Sawant dresses and Uday ... he is just anti-establishment ... he is moving in the opposite direction of cool. Hrithik does look cool, I must admit. As Guru rightly put it "you can see midriffs all through the movie ... either Ash's, Bips' or Hrithik's". Bipasha's hotness .. drool ... drool ... has been, I can't think of a better word, vulgarly utilised ... there are sly shots of her breasts everytime the camera is trying to pan the shot.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the press has been bought... 4 stars from TOI, 3 stars from IBN ... utter rubbish ... if you ask me they shouldn't be given stars, instead they should be giving us stuff ... stuff like an AK 47 to each of us poor students, who fel for the promos, and shelled out 135 bucks to watch a story that even kids would not take seriously as a bed time story ...

P.S : why the colon in the title you ask? thats because you'd rather have your colon pulled out and torn in to 2 pieces and etched with the words "You dumfuck ... this is for watching Dhoom : 2" than watching the saddest ever excuse for a movie

Any given Saturday

8.30 a.m : Guys from the two classes assemble at Ram Mandir (near Rajajinagar entrance). Practise some catching and fielding and if the bully in you was having a good day you might even get a chance to bat.

9 a.m : After collecting Re 1 to the local goonda (paid as protection ... I donno why the fuck we paid him ... shyte we were a bunch of scared kids) and another rupee to Nara ( he got the ball and in the process ripped us off)

10 a.m : After much deliberation, it would be decided that the toss would be a best of five. The toss always crucial.. you had to bat first ... you just had to. The fights over the toss were customary almost our equivalent of the Hakka ... it touched you before hitting the ground... you didn't flip the coin well .... the excuses given to re toss ranged from trivial to deranged.

11 a.m : The match finally starts amid much rowdy like yelling and sledging which would put sailors to shame..

1 p.m : The first innings done ... we would move towards the closest Iyengar bakery to suck on an ice lolly (Re 0.50) while discussing how the first innings had gone and the strategy for the next innings would be built ... its not like we stuck to strategies ... but you just had to discuss them ... smart asses that we were

4 p.m : The match done ... celebrations .. more abuses ... lot more abuses ... treat our selves to a sugar cane juice .. and head to Madhur's house, which was a 2 minute walk from Ram Mandir ...

6 p.m : Reach home .. get yelled at by mom ... for wasting another day ...

Those were the days ... they really were .. carefree .. they were the absolute epitome of carefree ... not a bloody fucking care in the world .. just pure unadulterated cricket ... pure fun ... in fact, they were not at all wasted days ... they are days I cherish ... cricket ... friends ... masti .. abusing ... can't ask for a lot more ..

I can't help smiling everytime I pass by Ram Mandir ... it reminds of me a sort of innocence ...even though we saw some quite ugly incidences there .. I once saw a man getting kicked repeatedly there .. I remember cycling back home like crazy that day ... I was shit scared ...

It also reminds me that almost everyday a little bit of my innocence is lost and how someday I will look back on today and think about how "those were the days" ...

The grass is always greener on your side.