Where do we go now ... where do we go ..

Mumbai is one fucked up city man.

Today, we were taking an auto from the airport to Juhu. On the way, this random guy (with a kid) was fighting with another auto guy. Our auto guy tried to break up the fight so the traffic could move. I donno what was exchanged between our auto guy and the guy, but the two landed exchanging abuses. Our auto guy got in and started moving. Suddenly, I saw this guy hanging on to the top rod of the rickshaw hanging with one hand (and the kid in the other) trying to kick our auto guy. The guy lost control fell down with the kid and the auto ran over his leg . Our auto guy just fled. I just remember screaming "paagal hain kya tu" (are you crazy??) when the guy was hanging with one hand and after the whole episode turning back and seeing the guy fallen down on the road and the kid was in tears.

What must have the kid gone through? I still can't get that picture out of my mind... Why did the guy do it?? To satiate his ego??? Revenge?? But why?? And why at the cost of the kid's life??? What the fuck was wrong with the guy??? What the fuck was he thinking?? And why the hell did he risk the kid's life???

Later, that evening I went to classmate's birthday party at a plush louge bar. People drinking, dancing.. tyring to chill out!!!

Which one of this is life??? The one were people have three fucking hundred bucks a drink to blow up on an intoxicant that gets you to the place you want to be OR the people you see in slums that you and me can never imagine living in while on your way from Panvel to Dadar??? Are all of these people trying to figure out life or have they accepted it as it is???

I think we get very used to the suffering we see around us and start giving excuses for it. Thats life isn't it, we say. They deserve it look at the way they behave, is another popular one.

Look deep inside. Is this true?? How can we live with ourselves, when we see people living like this?? There are movie stars in this city, businessmen who can buy half the city just by snapping their fingers.. how can they live with themselves when so many people barely have clothes to wear and food to eat??

I guess I'm just drunk ... in a fit of a rage on what that guy did to the kid and I'm blowing up ... probably tomorrow I'll be one of those fucking phoneys sipping on my scotch in a high end place ... but I hope I never forget today and I hope I remember that life is not what you show but life is what you give and take from others in terms of the intangibles .. in terms of love and happiness. I read in Shantaram that life is an illusion and all we see is not reality and today I understand the statement in totality. I don't want to figure out life ... I want to live it ... but with honesty ... with integrity ... in a manner that on my death bed when my whole life is flashing in front of me I realise that I have made a difference to a few lives in a positive way ... and these dried up tears are vindicated.